


Out on the Open Road

by Sunshine_Cove



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Car!Au, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 11:05:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunshine_Cove/pseuds/Sunshine_Cove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek should have known something was up when he gets the car free of charge. (Wherein Stiles is a sassy AI in Derek's Camaro)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out on the Open Road

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from Tumblr and totally inspired by this http://roseandthebeast.tumblr.com/post/31839416374/lolbatty-a-love-like-theirs-cannot-be-totaled 
> 
> I don't really have plans to continue this, but I may drabble on it a little more in the future. If you've got ideas, feel free to send them my way!
> 
> I'm also new to AO3, so any advice on formatting etc would be great =)

Derek should have known something was up when he gets the car free of charge – cars like _that_ don’t just change hands for no reason, and certainly not without significant amounts of money being involved. He takes the keys anyway, and because the universe hates him, and he’s also apparently not learned the “ _Definitely_ look a gift horse in the mouth, you idiot” lesson well enough, he immediately regrets his decision.

Well, immediately is probably a bit of an overstatement. It’s more ‘as soon as he gets in the car’ than ‘as soon as the keys are handed over’ but really it’s the principle of the matter.

“So tall, dark, and handsome, where are you taking me? Better be somewhere classy – I’m not a cheap date.” Derek jumps at that because while he may not be the most observant person ever, he’s pretty fucking sure no one else got in the car with him, and a quick scan of the interior proves he’s all alone.

“BOO!” There’s a bit of a snicker after that one, followed by some theatrical but completely stereotypical ghost noises, which Derek can’t locate for the life of him. He considers that this is the former owner’s idea of a cheap prank, pressing buttons on the radio to see if that will cease the constant stream of howls that are now playing on repeat.

“Oh hey, hey man that – that _tickles_ oh boy wow okay no _don’t push that button oh god stop that_ ” If it’s possible, the voice – the _male_ voice – is pretty breathless now, and Derek wrenches his fingers away from the console in pure, unadulterated horror.

“Okay, so a little more intimate than I was hoping to get before proper intros, but you know, I guess I can make an exception for you big guy. Pretty magnanimous of me, if I do say so myself.” There is at least one word in there that Derek does not understand, and he wrinkles his brow in confusion. “Never mind doll face, don’t worry your pretty little head over it. All you need to know is I’ll be the JARVIS to your Tony Stark. The Alfred to your Bruce Wayne, the – ” 

“Is this some kind of joke?” Derek asks, interrupting the superhero analogies in an attempt to get this kid – and it definitely sounds like a kid, probably somewhere in his teens with the way his voice hasn’t dropped too low – to shut up. “Tell me where the hidden camera is so I can rip it out and get some peace and quiet in here.”

“Look man, no joke okay? Like, legit. I would make another JARVIS analogy, but you don’t look the comic book type. But hey, I get it. Well, no, not really, because if my car started comparing itself to JARVIS I’d be pretty fucking pumped so – ”

“Where. Is. The. Camera.” Derek grits out, hands clenched in his lap as he glares suspiciously around the interior, trying to locate any obvious blinking lights that might indicate a camcorder. Clearly he’s being taped, since the reactions from this kid are real time and appropriate to the situation. Unless _every_ new owner of this car reacts the _exact_ same way each time, Derek seriously doubts this is prerecorded playback.

“No cameras! Well, actually, that’s kind of a lie. Like, a really dirty, filthy lie. I have tons of cameras. But. You know. They don’t lead to a person on the other side.” By now Derek has leaned over the front seat to start pulling on the seatbelts in the back and trying to tear up upholstery. There’s a bit of a muffled scream before the passenger side seat flips up to reveal an empty compartment and a CD comes flying out of the console.

“Don’t _do_ that dude! How would you like it if I started, I dunno, _ripping your hair out?_ Rude.” The seat resettles itself, and the console lights up before a screen flips into existence. “Why don’t you just take a look at this informational video for a sec before you start _dismantling me_ because man, that is really unpleasant let me tell you.” The screen crackles to life and an insignia that looks vaguely military flashes across it for a few seconds before Derek is shown a rotating 3D model of the car he’s currently sitting in.

“Welcome [New Owner] Please enter name ---” a cool female voice reads off to him as a keyboard is pulled up on the bottom of the screen. Derek tentatively enters letters into the touchpad and the screen flickers again, this time showing a pixilated sprite of a clearly male teenager – and Derek so called that – waving jauntily at him.

“Welcome [Derek]! Prepare for a wild ride. I’m Security Training for International Lemurs and Entertaining Sisters. Okay, I’m totally making that up, but that’s way cooler than what it actually stands for so whatever. Cleverly, it becomes the acronym S.T.I.L.E.S. which, when pronounced, almost sounds like a name! You know how most guys consider their cars female? Yeah, no. I feel like the ladybug from ‘Bug’s Life’ every time I burst their bubble. Anyway, moving along – ” The sprite wanders to the edge of the screen and starts making its way along the dashboard, lighting up features as it goes. “This is all really important shit you should probably look up in the owner’s manual at some point, but you know, if you ask nicely enough I could probably tell you. Oh yeah, most important bit, I _am_ your car.” As if to punctuate the point, everything in the car starts going haywire before the sprite dramatically raises its arms and everything stops. “As in, I’m the A.I. that lives, breathes, and controls _everything_ in this car, from your music – ” and here a gruff voice snaps ‘Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole’ “ – to the speed of the car.” The engine revs dramatically, followed by a satisfying hum that vibrates throughout the whole car. “So be nice to me, and I’ll consider not ejecting you.” Stiles – and wow, okay, Derek did _not_ just use that name – sounds very self satisfied as the car shuts itself off, the sprite disappearing after giving him a cheeky grin and a wave. The screen flips back into the console, leaving Derek in utter silence.

Well, for all of four seconds. Derek counted.

“Pretty cool huh? Man, there is nothing like freedom. Please tell me you’re some kind of transient vagabond who travels across the US – been cooped up in the city too long and I could use a good road trip.”

Derek growls, but he nods an affirmative. After all, hunting down Kate is going to be the biggest road trip he’ll ever take.


End file.
